This glossary explains commonly used terms related to narcissistic abuse. Understanding these concepts can help you make sense of your experiences and identify unhealthy patterns. Each definition is summarised from reputable mental‑health sources.
The narcissistic abuse cycle is an abusive pattern of behaviour in which a narcissistic person idealises someone, then gradually devalues them, and eventually discards them before repeating the cycle. During the idealisation stage, the narcissist may shower the target with gifts, compliments and promises, creating a rapid sense of connection. In the devaluation stage, subtle criticism, gaslighting, passive‑aggressive comments and mind games make the victim feel insecure. Finally, the discard stage occurs when the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship or lures the person back into the cycle with renewed love bombing.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where one person showers another with excessive attention, affection, gifts and flattery. The intention is to create an intense emotional bond that fosters dependence and control. Unlike genuine affection, love bombing aims to make the target feel special and indebted, often early in a relationship. Once a strong bond is established, the love bomber may begin to manipulate or control the target’s behaviour.
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims are deliberately fed false information that makes them question what they know to be true, leading them to doubt their memory, perception and even their sanity. Gaslighting attacks a person’s sense of identity and self‑worth in order to gain power or control over them.
With narcissistic triangulation, a person with narcissistic traits involves a third party in a conflict to gain control. The third person may involuntarily reinforce the narcissist’s superiority or righteousness, creating a “two against one” dynamic that leaves the target feeling isolated and ganged up on. Recognising triangulation tactics can help you avoid being drawn into unhealthy dynamics.
In the context of narcissism, flying monkeys are people who assist the abuser by defending their behaviour or manipulating others on their behalf. Narcissists might use friends or family as spies or to spread rumours. Flying monkeys may spread gossip, form a shared fantasy and enable abusive behaviour. Recognising and setting boundaries with flying monkeys is key to protecting your emotional well‑being.
The grey rock method is a strategy used to cope with manipulative or abusive people. It involves making interactions as uninteresting and unrewarding as possible by giving short, unemotional responses and hiding your reactions. Techniques include giving one‑word answers, keeping interactions brief, avoiding arguments, keeping personal information private and minimising contact. Grey rocking may temporarily reduce harm, but it is not a long‑term solution and should be used alongside safety planning and professional support.